Thank You Dravid....

Come Friday, and Rahul Sharad Dravid will announce his retirement. He has called a press conference that day with N. Srinivasan. And the press will be filled with celebratory articles about his career as it should be. So I decided to put up what I had to say now before there is a deluge of better articles than mine on my laptop screen and lest they cloud my thoughts about him.

I will just post what I wrote about one of his innings when the year started, but never put up on this blog. It was a part of my list of My Moments of 2011.

I have always loved Ganguly. He was the best Indian captain I ever saw. Yes better than Dhoni. I have always loved Laxman. To me , he was the most elegant batsman of all of them. And I have always loved Sachin. Because well, he is Sachin. You do not have an option. But in strict terms, I never loved Dravid. I always respected him. Perhaps more than anybody else in Indian cricket, save Kumble.

But when Dravid walked out to bat again as opener after India were made to follow on by England having already carried his bat for 146 in the first, it should have embarrassed his fellow batsmen. I don’t know about them, but it embarrassed me. I felt ashamed that I have always prioritized love over respect. His coming out again made me realise that people you love can make you happy , even blissful at times but it is people who are worth respecting who make a difference to your lives, even making it possible to exist . And I was better person for the experience.

And when Dravid spoke at the Bradman’s Lecture, he further enhanced that respect. And he brought one thing to notice. Sachin must be having the farthest reaching voice in Indian Cricket. Yet he has never spoken about the underlying malaise in control of cricket in India (read BCCI). He has never been embroiled in any controversy ever, but that in itself is a sign of aloofness, isn’t it?

I do not want to bring Sachin into this post. When Dravid goes out, he alone deserves to have the spotlight. So when paeans are sung about him tomorrow, please chuck out that clichéd term “overshadowed” from your vocabulary. For once, it doesn’t seem right.

 He needs to be celebrated for what he was because that is a mighty achievement surpassed by no other cricketer I have seen. Because he has taught me and possibly so many others to value “respect”.   Because of all the giants of Indian cricket, he is the only one I can try to emulate in my professional life. Because he is the only one who embodies professional values that go beyond the realms of cricket.

And Thank You, Rahul  Dravid for that.

The Secret - A Replug

This was posted by me in March'2010 while I was in college. And then was written regarding the rather mundane matters of "mass bunking" of college class. And today in reference to  the Salman Rushdie episode, I just  found it fit to re plug it.

The majority thinks that it is the majority who do not want to attend the class. So the majority decide not to attend the classes. But it is actually the minority who convinces the majority that it is the majority who does not want to attend the classes since the majority have already conceded for the absence from classes, the majority should also follow the majority. But the majority who wants to attend the classes is told by the minority that since the majority do not want to attend the classes, they should not break the majority by attending the classes. The problem is that majority is major in numbers , but is always found in fragments and doesn’t ever get to know what the majority thinks. So the minority manages to convince the majority that the majority is not going to attend the classes because that is the will of the majority and if majority goes otherwise, it will break up the unity of the majority and then the majority will turn into a minority . So, the class is not held coz the majority thinks that the majority does not want to attend the classes, and in the end, the minority manages to prevent the class from being held. By the time the bluff is called , the class is well over and if they get time majority might have a serious thought of renaming themselves “herds” , but just then another class is to take place and minority again springs up.....

That is how we bunk our classes, and more. Confusing , but sadly, true.

Patna Redux

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As a thumb rule, you generally know inside out about the place you live in. More so , if you grow to like the place. And if you are an outgoing person, the knowledge is even more exhaustive.  I am from Bihar. So, naturally I am supposed to know a lot about Bihar. Or at least about the capital city, Patna  . But I have never lived there, never loved it and to add to that , I am not an outgoing person. So , whatever I am going to write might be a grotesque piece of imagination, rather than being a candid assessment. But then this is my blog. My space, my rules and my wishes.  As simple as that.

An Open Letter to Ms Priya Ramani

For Reference , please first read this link

Dear Ms Ramani,

Thank you, Ms Ramani for reminding me that I am an Indian. You know , the world cup is going on and I did not at all follow the Asia Cup . Actually I have not been following cricket since the World T20 started. This disinterest started to make me feel if I am cent per cent Indian still. But thanks to your article- and I am being polite and Indian enough to call it just an article- I now know that I am still an Indian . Cent per cent, or may be more.

No, I don’t spit in public, haven’t ever tried to watch any Indian soap let alone trying to like or understand them, don’t like mangoes either and only if necessary start the conversation with remark, “How slim you have become!!” instead of going other way around. Heck , I have even resisted the temptation to ask Harsha Bhogle on his timeline as to how he got his crop of new hair, in spite of the fact that I am going to be completely hairless in two years. But yes, my father likes mangoes. And he is an Indian. And as a public servant done more for the Indian people than you ever will through your journalistic duties. And yes, he does his work as dutifully as ever and in fact loves his work. So technically in your eyes , he is not an Indian. Indian bureaucrats don’t do that, do they? But paradoxically for you he still calls himself Indian. And so do a lot of other people who continuously strive to make India the “greatest place on earth” that you so frown about despite of numerous hurdles and cynics.   People like Mr. Kalam, Mr E. Sreedharan, my father, me if I do my work well, and even you Ms Ramani , if you aspire to bring about some change through your writings and try to  write well.

Ms Ramani I celebrate all my festivals the way the way they are meant to be celebrated coz I think the person who invented festivals must have been the greatest psychologist out there , ever. And he did not tell us that we should not be up on Christmas as people are supposed to sleep in night or that we should all turn vegetarian as it is so cruel for the poor turkey to lose its life for us to celebrate on thanksgiving or that we should not get spongy drunk and get all brash and loud on the new year’s eve. Likewise he did not tell me that I ought not burst crackers on Diwali night coz it disturbs the dogs and the people who are old or that I should refrain from pouring colours on Holi just because I think colours are more ‘colourful’ than being bland. Tell you what Ms Ramani, if I do not care about the Turkey, I might as well not care about the dogs and  those old people must have done the same when they were of my age i.e. burst a lot of crackers and throw colours. But then you might choose to disagree with the shrink or with me. Bloody well, you can – I am not going to burst crackers in your house or throw colours on you. Because it is in India you are. You can easily say screw off without the danger of being screwed yourself.

You curse a politician and well, any one should for what he has done. But I really don’t think that a major chunk of our politicians are Indians at all. They are Hindus, Muslims, or Yadavs, Brahmins , or from any other caste before being an Indian. Or else they are Biharis, Bengalis, form Telengana, or south Indians, or Marathis . Or in this case they are simply being males than being Indians. May be you have been looking in wrong places Ms Ramani.  Indians are not like Politicians that they have. It is the other way around. Politicians are not like the Indians they represent.

Yes, I  too don’t think that India is the greatest country around. But still I am Indian because as long I try to work to make it the greatest country , I will be Indian I guess. Most of the chest thumping on Jai Ho came from the NRI community who for all there ‘Indian-ness’reside In their USA and Canada for the ‘standard of living’ they get there and have scantly done anything for their INDIA. If you think that they are Indians , may be you have been using wrong frames as well. For most of the Indians, Slumdog Millionaire was an overstretched tale of the notion West has about India. That while we are no more a country of snakes and elephants, all we have is abject poverty, software professionals, and riots. It only interested us because it won us two Oscars. Did  you find Slumdog Millionaire insightful? Watch  Bawarchi -  a Rajesh Khanna movie. It will tell you more about Indian values than any Danny Boyle America can bring here. Danny Boyle would never tell you that India is the only country where you will get away with calling the national God “A Loser” as you call Ram or publicly bashing the very existence of the major festivals being held here.  It is not that we don’t care. It is because we know how to keep quiet when someone disagrees. How to make the other person feel acknowledged in the peaceful terms even if he says ‘no’ in the most blasphemous and ridiculous manner. We are not going to tell you to buzz off in the manner  Joel Stein does. He is an American you  know. But still if you think that his version is more respectable, then you are still welcome. It is India, after all.

Or, maybe you tried to inject some humour or to use a better word, some ‘sarcasm’ in your piece, and maybe I didn’t get that. But I have always believed that it is not your readers fault if he doesn’t get your sarcasm, it is yours. You  were not subtle enough or maybe you were not revealing enough. What do you think? You may choose to disagree and say that I am not intellectual enough to understand you ‘intended’ humour. And I am okay with it. I give you the right to disagree because I am an Indian. I have seen a lot of people crying hoarse on a lot of matters like region and religion. People who tend to think that people do not have the right to think otherwise in their so called ‘jurisdiction’. Ms Ramani, did somebody attack your office or your car or your house for writing what you did? I would think not. Maybe you will reckon the reason for that is that more people watch My Name Is Khan in India than those who read an English newspaper- a business one at that.   But I think that it is because there are more people in India who are Indian than those who are merely Hindu, Muslim or Marathi .  So while you say that my fellow Indian lot is deeply unaware of the existence of anybody other than his own , he is wild, uncouth, uncultured, do not respect women, eats mangoes(!!!!!), watches dumb shows etc etc, I am just going to smile at you and politely say that while I do not agree with your views, and so will millions of my fellow Indians whom you so conveniently choose to keep out of the definition of being ‘Indian’, I will not vandalise either your home or your office, will not try to get you to leave the country, or to get a fatwa issued against you or try to get a hefty bounty placed on your head.  Because you are in India, does not matter whether you think yourself as an Indian or not . And by the virtue of being in India, you have the right to disagree. And if Ms Ramani, by any chance you somehow read this post where I disagree with your views, and still you do not flag this blog for having difference of opinion,  Ms Ramani, sorry to say, but you are still an Indian.



Welcome to India,
Sumit

How Did She Let Go of This??

These are the lyrics of the song “ Tainu Tv Par” from LSD. Please keep the part in bold in your mind as you go through the post.

Tainu Tv Per Wekhya
Hai Main Tujpe Marr Jawa) - 2
Mujhse Shaadi Karle Aa 
Chad De Laaj Sharam Parda

Tainu TV Tainu Tv

Sabnu Kiss kardi firdi ae,

Saddi Jaan tarasdi hai,

Mainu bhi famous karde,

TV pe tu kiss kar de.

O kudiye Gal man le meri, 

Mera makeup hai ready,

O Eligible bachelor 

Kar le mera Swayanmvar.

Tainu TV tv tv tv

 Ban ja biwi biwi biwi,

Tainu Tv Per Wekhya
Hai Main Tujpe Marr Jawa) - 2
Mujhse Shaadi Karle Aa 
Chad De Laaj Sharam Parda
(Tainu Tv) - 2, Tainu Tv Per Wekhya

Maine murder hain kiye,

channel par tere liye, 

Daal le aag mein thodi ghee, 

Ban jaye controversy.

Tainu Tv Tv Tainu Tv Tv

Fir hum maal kamayenge

Ek bangla banwayenge,

usme 2600 Tv , 

banaye show reality,

Tainu Tv Tv Tv

Phir tu star main bhi star, 

Lokhi dekhan barambar

Saare desh badal ke vesh 

Khatri Remote Paunda Bhangra 
Tv Tv Tv Ban Ja Biwi Biwi Biwi

Tainu Tv par dekha…..

                                        Ring  a bell?? Did it ? No?? Now read only the 

bold portions. Still nothing?? Ok. So I saw you on T.V and I liked you a lot. 

Please marry me without any inhibitions which you obviously have none of. 

 You kissed everyone . So please kiss me on T.V and we will create a 

controversy out of it. I am also an eligible bachelor . So please choose me in 

your swayamvar and become my wife. And then we will celebrate our marriage by pouring ghee in the fire and create another controversy out of it.  And if 

that does not work, we will then have a big house built in which there will be 

cameras in every nook and corner and we will make a reality show out of it by playing Big Boss- Big Boss inside it. Then surely we will have enough muck on our hands . Even Mikka will look up to us then. We will change the television 

viewing topography in our country. 

Still did not get anything? Welcome Mr. Ishaan aka Darsheel on my blog. 

Thanks for visiting. So are you the one she is waiting for?

Image Courtesy :- www.manjul.com

Random Ruminations

I don’t want to die,

But there are some wrongs to be mended,

To give some remedies for lies,

So will have to die.

I don’t want to live,

But there are some “hows” and “whys” to find,

Lot of masks to be perceived,

Lots of hearts to be broken,

Lots of emotions to be weaved,

Lots of faces to sieve,

So I will have to live.

I don’t want to have any friend,

But it amazes me that how it rhymes with

Both “mend” and “end”

I want to keep being amazed,

Have one end sharp of the blade,

Have a cut when I take a wrong bend,

So I will have to have friends .

I do not want to look inside,

Lest there is a big void,

Emptiness within,

Full of nothing ,

But deceit and sin.

But the outside is big and wide,

Inside is empty and  narrow,

It gives me space to cower in my own burrow.

Outside asks questions ,

Inside some more,

But inside gives answers,

Sometimes  maleficent, sometimes vulgar,

And sometimes snide.

But answers still,

So I have to look inside.

Spitting this yarn ,

Gives me the question “Why?”

Maybe  I don’t want to die.

Maybe I want to live ,

Tell the tale

And grieve.

Maybe I want a friend .

For my woes,

Surely an ear he will lend.

But a talking mouth will not follow therafter,

Filled with a curse and laughter.

It will help me look inside,

Though the space is less, it will help me soar and glide.

And for a moment of shut eyes,

I will be at the top.

At the top,

From where everything looks so small,

Friends and foes,

Life and its woes

And that will be the end of all

Once and for all. 

RAH RAH SACHIN

Chota Munh Badi Baat...........................

 A few days ago while watching T.V I suddenly felt that the purpose of my life has been fulfilled. For him even the thought of being greater than the game is a sacrilege, but what can he do when it is thrust on him.  It was like an orgasm of happiness and nostalgia.That was when he score that 175. It happened again yesterday.  A low rung writer like me can do no justice to what happened yesterday lest the images get vilified, memories get sullen. So, here I will post the related articles from net from far more accomplished and articulate writers. On my part I will shut my eyes and reminisce in my mind and only say, Wah Ustaad......

About Sachin- Kambli( A tale of two terrors) 

Prem Panicker follows some tweets

GreatBong on that 175

Harsha Bhogle on 13 year old Sachin( A must read)

John Stern- Tendulkar, A thank you. 

Just read this forum 

Thank God it is Tendulkar- Sharda Ugra 

Sachin Proves that you can be a sporting icon without being a sporting monster

The old Scahin radiated heat. The new one gives light.

But he remains the sun.(www.greatbong.net)
The cricinfo editor is sorry , or is he sweet? 
Aakash Chopra - Breaking down the double

I will keep updating the list as and when I come across other noteworthy articles

Mera Naam Hai Chamili

Mera naam hai chamili

Main hoon plumber albeli,

Chali aayi main akeli,

ThakRey ke ghar se.

Uska pot tha bilkul toota,

Usme atak gaya tha uska lota,

lote ko nikala maine badi zor se.

Aur haan , meri chaal bhi hai matwali.

(video link)

And you know, I had a lot of difficulty doing that. I hate yellow colour na.I know that the pot is white, but somethimes,it is not what is outside that matters, but what is inside that matters, and inside ThakRey's it is all yellow yellow, you know. Are I am talking about his pot only re, but you know what I mean, you naughty.....I know. And remember,

My name is Chamili.

And I am not toilet saaf karne waali

I am a plumber re.

I know I might remind you of that Chameli or this Chameli but, I am Chamili re.I am as sweet as that you know and even uglier than before, but this time I have my husband Kajal Johnokhan for company. No, not that Kajal from Hum Paanch re, she was a girl re,not a boy. For a long time I used to think of her as boy, but then after marriage I realised that she is a girl. You know I have Asperger’s syndrome na, that is why. God programmed me with that syndrome. He actually wanted to program me with Autism , but that is coded in java , Asperger’s in C. It is easy to program , you C . Only a, b, C.So, now I am like a programmed robot.So sweet.But, Kajal is also sweet. Sweeter than me even . I first thought that he must be suffering from Autism to marry me. But then after marriage I came to know that actually he wanted to adopt me . It would have been an added advantage. You see, I am also a plumber na, specializing in toilets. But then he was not allowed to adopt a big lady like me. But then , with someone one with Aspirer’s syndrome , no Asperger’s syndrome like me , It does not really matter whether you marry or adopt, does it?

And then, you know, mere marad ne mujhe ghar se bahar nikal diya . What did I do? Just I tried to revive his son, who fell into a drain which I forgot to repair. And tried to bring him to life with an electric shocker which I had repaired to function at 10 volts but which gave a current at 100 instead. So he died. But I was able to remove the black marks due to electricity by using choona-choona. See, I can repair almost anything. Even the dead, you see.

Last week I saw 3 idiots. My favorite scene was when Amir was taking bath in the bathroom. I am the plumber na. So, in ThakRe’s house, I installed a pump operated pot. You don’t have to apply pressure to relieve yourself there. No more sounds like aaah …aaah ..aah then aha…. like that come from his toilet now. You see , I don’t like loud noises as well, na.

Now, my husband wanted me to meet the person who invented the toilet and learn the skill of repairing toilets. Did I say I can repair almost anything. Please notice that " almost". So, I am off to meet him. I have visited many toilets, but I have not found him yet. Does he go to toilets? Silly question , he must be. But I suffer from Asperger’s syndrome no, so like tubelight you know..

And now I am off to Will-she-mean-kya. It is a place in northern jungles. It was visited by Katrina last yesterday. Not the hurricane baba,Kaif re.Katrina kaif. Haan haan real waali. She went there to learn aping skills from a monkey. She thinks if she can speak hindi then it will be good to promote Rajneeti. Nahi re, she will not learn hindi from the monkey, only nakal. Then she will be able to imitate Prakash Jha well. But what to do, she caught dysentry there. Loose motion. Everybody knows that she does not know how to act. I am letting you a liitle secret . She doesnot know how to act, and she does not know how to clean her toilet either. That is why I am going there. But let me remind you,

My name is chamili,

and I am not a toilet saaf karne waali.

I am a plumber re.

But she is Katrnia re.

So I am going. I have seen on T.V that there is a lot of foul smell out there. That is all caused by Katrina- When she has visited the toilet and when she has not. All the wild animals have fled the jungle therefore. Actually half of the animals had already fled when they came to know that Katrina is visitng. They thought that Salman will come too. but he did not. Guess he knew about the gastronomic variations of Katrina. Now, don't ask me that how did I remember "Gastronomic" if I have Asperger's syndrome. If I can remember Asperger's then I can remember Gastronomic as well. Now don't go into much details. I remember the choiciest of abuses as well. Teri maa ki...

Do you think that I have stretched my story too far? Yes, I also think so. I am late by 25-30 mins now. I must go. You know , even the monkeys have fled. So I must hurry. I might get to meet that man who invented toilet there. And If I do,Kajal will adpot me once again.

And yes, please remember, that the story of my life is as true as Mehnaz herbal beauty products and PBC. What did you say? Liar, liar, pants on fire? But that is my dialogue , Cheater cock.But, let me turn back and see. Oh yes....I am burning. I want to cry, but I can't. I just don't understand if I can remember "Asperger's" why can't I remember how to cry. Where are my stones now......

Bacche Man ke Sachhe

This happened at the book fair today. There was a dog which was a stray dog, and there was a girl who was not a stray girl. But far more importantly, they had one thing in common- they were both small, charming, spontaneous. This may be was the first time I found a dog cute.

The girl quietly walked up to the dog and picked it up. And the pup quietly got into her lap. Picking a teddy bear was never easier.
The mother came running,
"Leave it , dress dirty ho jayegi

The girl gave her a look which said," I want him"

"Are chor do, beemar ho jaogi."

The girl gave her a look which said," I want him"

"Neeche rakho. Dekho naani aa rahi hain." And a reincarnation of Lalita Pawar walked in.

The girl gave her a look , which said,"I want him, not her."

But after some squabbling, the girl was allowed to keep him. For the whole duratiion, the dog never tried to leave the girl.

I have never seen a more sweet, endearing, charming and affectionate sight in my life. Was there some kind of instant bonding between two? Forget Zoo Zoo, where are those Vodafone people man?

Bacche kisi ke bhi ho, sabhi kitne innocent hote hain!!!!

UNVIELED

We are proud to announce another remarkable addition in our glittering list of previous brand ambassadors like Bill Clinton, Silvio Berlusconi, Nikolas Sarkozy. May I present to you our next and perhaps most apt brand ambassador till date, ex-because of sex- Governor of Andhra Pradesh 85 years young Mr. N.D. Tiwari. A truly inspirational figure for all the Japani Tel users . May he continue to inspire us with his jidhar dekhi naari, udhar aankh maari ways till the end of his days and keep increasing our pride and selling stocks. And remember, Tel ko maliye, Kaam par chaliye.

We are truly yours,
Phuc Pho Lai
CEO,
Japani Tel Ltd.

NO 1

Yay, we are the no.1...... NO.1 NO.1 No.1. And if I couldn't believe it yet by now, every English , Hindi, Urdu, Bengali , Marathi, Bhojpuri, etc etc news channel has strained every nerve and sinew to infuse my mind , body and soul with this earth-shattering, zamin-hilaoing bit of information. Everyone. probably except CNN . They care as much about cricket as we do about global warming. But we are NO.1. Australia teri monkey(or maa ki) , POM POM POM, you baby bums. And Proteas.... unko karo khallas.

We are the NO 1. So what if they had Kangaroo curry in Kangaroo land and after all the bandar shorba we tried, all we were left with was maa ki, behan ki and Irfan Pathan's fiancee. We are the NO 1.

And all hail the Almighty and omniscient BCCI ,who of course foresaw it years back when it designed the FTP for India. After all, you remain champions until you lose to any other team .And in order to lose, you have to play. And since Bangladesh has been begging us for a test series for the last 4 years, lets us oblige them then. Since it wouldn't be the world cup, it is rather unlikely that we would lose. Damn those ICC rankings which will automatically dethrone us in time to come. This is the BCCI way of setting benchmarks. Anybody who becomes No 1 , we would snicker and mockingly say them ,"But you haven't played us, we suppose!!!!" And also officially at last we have something we are better than China at. Given the fact that they have started thrashing us in hockey and have taken a liking to learn English as well.

We are the best . Even as I write this , a T.V. channel is going bonkers about this at 12 at midnight. Yes, after we were thrashed in a 20-20 just a couple of days ago , which the captain described as a practice game . How one can regard a game in which he is representing his country at par with a game between Board President XI and Timbuktu XI is of course rather beyond me . Perhaps representing India Cements (CSK) is more Indian for our captain than representing India itself in an admittedly hit-and-giggle format.

But what has been rather surprising for me has been the general surprise and shock that has preceded happiness and satisfaction displayed by Indian media. Reminds me of India playing tests in South Africa in 2007-08. By winning the first test they surprised themselves so much that they promptly ended up losing second and third . As they say , winning is a habit. But as much winning is a habit, losing is also one. It has taken more than a quarter of a century to lose the habit of losing. Losing the habit of winning can be much easier and can be rather swift. Specially when confronted with spiteful Australian and South Africans on their home turf.

But then after all it remains rather debatable that how much importance need be attached to the rankings of a system which until recently ranked Nuwan Kulasekara as No1 ODI bowler, Sri Lanka as No.2 ranked test team , and Gautam Gambhir(though rather good, but....) as No1 test batsman. The same council, recently adjudged on its "All Time Great Bowlers List" that Dale Steyn is No.22 on the list and one highly ineffective , inconsistent bloke called Wasim Akram whose 900 + wickets chiefly consisted of the tailenders only, be rightly placed at 59. The same system on the batting list opines that Mat Hayden be at No.10 and a certain flat track, small ground bully called Sachin Tendulkar be languishing at no.26. If a drunkard like Shane Warne puts him at No1 on his list, lets punish him by throwing him off at no.15 on bowlers list. Is it that important? Blogs like Greatbong or Amit Verma don't even consider it important enough to even post about it. Sections of Indian media has been honking about it and I wrote a post. But then some people are rather less occupied and rather less important.


P.S--- Icc is considering introducing two balls from either end in ODIs thereby effectively eliminating reverse swing as each ball will be maximum 25 overs old. As Dennis Lille once said," Maybe they will ban the yorkers next." But probably, next may be they will ban bowling itself, installing a bowling machine instead which can be adjusted as per to the whims and fancies of ICC.

Wanted- Movie Review

A question for you,

"How did Salman manage to complete Wanted?"

" Kyunki ek baar jo commitment maine kar li, fir to main khud ki bhi nahi sunta."

About a month earlier, I took a pledge after watching a trailer ," Come what may, I shall save myself from the ignominy of watching Wanted ."

A month later I take another pledge- " I will never challenge Bollywood. And I will never try to act God to decide my future ." Both have funny ways to pinch you at the backside.

One of the rare movies to have been made in Bollywood not to have it's title featured in even a single dialog (Even Badhti ka naam Dadhi had a tilte song) , rides on a simple cliche- Love it , hate it, but can't ignore it. And generally not being ignored suffices to be a hit in Bollywood. Here, when Vinod Khanna was exhorting Salman to be a one-man-army, he was merely echoing the producer's sentiments. Ayesha Takia will find difficult to sell even a flap of Shilpa Bindi if with it a life size poster with a prominent mention of her bosom is not doled out for free. And regarding the saleability of director Prabhudeva, hmmm.

We went to watch Hrtihik in Lakshya, but then he was a choreographer. But, when he comes up with an action flick , which is a remake of a south Indian super action movie, sniggers are more commonplace than expectant sniffs.

There has always been a North-South divide in Indian movies. For e.g. with all due respect to Rajini Sir, a lot of north-Indians fail to grasp the significance of the act in which he tosses up a cigarette in the air , and then force of gravity becomes so miniscule on it that it lands well after he has finished playing with all the bad guys. Likewise, a lot of my south Indian friends can't seem to understand how SRK manages to woo scores of girls , when he wouldn't be able to sustain a punch from even a gali ka goonda which are blown away by a mere breath from Rajini Sir. So our esteemed director invented a new pharmoola- that is to make a pharmoola movie. And the pharmoola tells him to amalgamate what he knows sells in South and what he is being told that sells in Bollywood. And his goodness lies in the fact that he sticks to his pharmoola . In the recent past the Ghazini director also tried the same. I didn't particularly like the movie apart from the sugar-coated love story and the sugar herself ( Asin that is). But Wanted has no Amir and Ayesha Takia is no Asin. So does that set the film back? No, not a bit.

Coz, it has Salman. The Khan with a man in even in his name chooses to play the man and quite naturally lives up to it. Earlier, he chose to play a prince and act weird in Yuvvraj ( did I miss a v there?) He turned pauper instead. He chose to play a God in God tussi great ho and act weird. As it happened the Gods didn't turn out to be in such a good mood. He chose to play Salman Khan and act weird in Hello . Nobody turned up to say even a hi. Now he chooses to play the other Salman Khan in Wanted and though he still acts weird, we suddenly discover that we actually like the bad boys. Hmmmm...That's my man. And maybe Salman realizes that as well. He has gone from Wanted to Veer with full abandon , which is quite visible in Wanted as well, with most of the songs apparently shot later with his Veer hairstyle.

So to the movie. It is actually quite decent. I didn't picture myself writing this a month back , but life takes strange turns. Two years back I didn't picture myself writing a blog either. Anyways, to a neo-generation for which a single screen theatre is nothing but a macchi bazaar sans any macchi , Wanted can be a wee bit surprising. When in theater Salman made his entry on the screen , there were a lot of whistles from some section. Now, the one I go in ,I have never heard any such things earlier and one of my friends muttered under his breath," Bloody Biharis" . By the time I left , I was thanking those bloody biharis. They created an ambiance in which Wanted deserved to be watched. It is not LOTR to be watched in PVRs among muted appreciation and mild claps. It is supposed to be watched with a lot of seetees, inane remarks , lewd jokes and infectious laughter. And if you don't know how to whistle, go watch the movie. Salman will teach you even that.

I was almost waiting through the movie to watch Salman criss-cross the air with fire a la Garv style . But he didn't. And that is the best thing about the movie. It is crude, but it has no place for histrionics. Another good thing about the movie is that it doesn't take itself seriously. Even the villain Ghani Bhai is more like Crime master Gogo than a Mogambo . Thus what could have turned into a Bam Bam Bigelow , manages to keep its feet together.

The support cast turns out to be a large one , given that Salman is the only major lead here. Ayesha Takia, flaunts her charbi-waala gosht, her charbi-waale lips and manages to do what she was required to do. Mahesh Manjrekar excels in the eternal kutti cheez act and as Vishal Bhardwaj would have us believe that ," Har kutte ka bas ek hi jawaab hota hai-Kaminey" , Salman promptly turns Kamina to get rid of him.

The movie projects Salman as he has been projected by media since ages- bad boy, cool dude, sweet at heart blah..blah..blah. It almost seems that it was made to cash on the media image of Salman. Nevertheless, if you are a fan of Salman, you will love the movie. And if you are not, still watch it ; you might find reasons to like him or the movie.