Mere Brother Ki Dulhan and My Conundrum

I am wondering these days whether I can review movies. I have consistently held , even if not in written word in all my posts about everything written being my view, not review. I am not qualified enough to be a critic. Because for one, I liked “Mere Brother Ki dulhan” and loathed “That Girl in yellow Boots.”  If I were a critic, the adjectives used for these movies would have been opposite. Or I might have even loved That Girl…. So technically I am not a critic. Taran Adarsh is a critic, because he loved “That Girl in Yellow Boots” and gave it 4 stars. According to him, the finale hit him like a ton of bricks. Everybody I know of who were fateful enough to watch that -yes all three of us-  had guessed what the end is going to look like. But then , Taran Adarsh likes anything. He is the antithesis of Devil’s Advocate. He gave “Mere Brother ki Dulhan” 4 stars as well . Actually he gave “Do Knot Disturb” (you remember?)  3.5 stars. Actually Mark Zuckerberg told me that the Facebook  like button using which you can like statuses which condole somebody’s death as well was inspired by Taran Adarsh. Actually.. ok you get the point, right?

Sometimes I miss the point of Anuraag Kashyap’s movies. But in “That girl in yellow boots” I missed the whole game. I simply do not want to go to a movie to do brain exercise to deduce the various acts and scenes which are the supposed illustrations of various degrees of subtleties a film maker can achieve   . Was the massage parlour symbolising the greasing of palm one is required to do to get every governmental job done? Was the constant chattering of the owner of the parlour a connotation for the constant din in the protagonist’s life? Did the character of Naseeruddin Shah typified the father Ruth never had? Did  the yellow boots symbolise…Oh leave it. Did the yellow boots symbolise anything at all? I don’t want to find out. I wanted to get entertained when I spend my 200 bucks, which did not happen. I can find numerous “Find the difference” and “Find the similarities” games on internet for free. And in my honest opinion, Kalki is not that fine an actress either as she is touted to be. Does acting only comprise of a grim mood, dark environment, shrieks, and hysterics?  I am no fan of acting of Katrina Kaif, but for me she was good in MBKD. She gave good expressions importantly at the right times, rolled her eyes well and conveyed appropriate amount of devilry through them. I never imagined that I will ever write such lines for Katrina, but she was good. But still she has been panned by critics. Guess that is what it takes to be a critic. The usual reaction “That girl in yellow boots” elicits is that of shock. I mean that is what I have been told. And I wonder what is so shocking about it. Is it child molestation or incest? Now, do we need a movie to tell us that these exist in reality? So, why seeing reality on the big screen shocks them? Is it because anytime we go to see a movie, they expect to see escapist cinema? Then why does watching something like “Mere Brother Ki dulhan” which is escapist cinema at its core disappoints them? And if they do not expect that, why get shocked at seeing something like “That Girl In yellow Boots” ? I do not expect to get answers. May be it is the taste thing. Rom-coms are anyway panned universally by critics with rare exceptions. But then , why would someone go to a romcom expecting to be shocked? Or expect that one will have anything different from a “run –of-the-mill” good ending? Or expect that if two people are protagonists, somehow they will not end up together just to provide a different ending? Now did anyone really expect Katrina Kaif to get hitched to  Ali Zafar  movie when  Imran Khan with all his Bollywood connection is lurking around? Really? But for me , I do not go to watch movies for the sole purpose of expecting to get shocked. Better I will sit at home and search YouTube for shocking videos instead. I go to get entertained. Simply put, MBKD with all its flaws, entertained me .  That girl in Yellow Boots didn’t despite it’s several subtleties which the critics regularly found orgasmic. Besides what was left in That girl in Yellow Boots if you could guess the end and take away the “shock”  as happened to me , is pretty much still unclear to me. Was it this trailer which is doing the rounds these days? Ch***yappa and handshake? Please don’t tell me that this trailer has not been released just to lure the so- called “ front benchers” using lewd gestures and slang language. If that is the truth, then why carry the pretence of being an off-beat, classy movie?

 Phew… Ok, enough of ranting now. Now did I  give you the impression that MBKD is a hugely entertaining, sugar-sweet, “Four Wedding and a Funeral-esque” funny movie which attains the climactic heights any romcom can aspire to get to ? No, it is  not surely. It is actually a silly movie actually. So silly that it shows BEST buses outside IGI Airport , Delhi. Actually it was more silly that Billy trying to do a wheelie in the rush hour traffic in apni Dilli and it is more clichéd than the word “Clichéd” has becomes a cliché to describe romcom movies. And  the movie is more silly than the last sentence I framed. It has the leading pair who on the account of their last few misadventures are quite proven to be incapable of acting. And if it was not enough, there is John Abraham as well for a quick dekko with his non-existent expressions. I have a theory regarding why Bipasha dumped him. Because he couldn’t “express” his love for her.  It has Imran khan , who had he been an animal would have had 4 left feet trying to “ape” the dance steps of the three Khans.  Now that is only possible if one Khan is your Uncle and you can be relatively assured that he will not sue you for doing that. Now , what is stopping the other two Khans from suing him, I don’t know. They have a camp right in front of The Tajmahal . Surely, Mayawati will want to know more about that. May be we will se a 5 star hotel in just that place in the coming days. And if you want to do better video calls than as those shown in Reliance ads, you should consider acting in movies. I have always doubted Reliance’s ability to deliver but this movie removes all doubts that the best video calls happen in movies and movies only. And that is about its silliness. Additionally it is clichéd at innumerable places.

But you will enjoy the movie if you expect beforehand that it is going to be silly and clichéd like all romantic movies are. I mean which is the last actress you remember who married a books store owner in reality? But that did not stop Notting Hill from being what it was. Love Actually was actually full of stupidity. But it was also full of love. They were good because they made you feel good and they were not bad just because they were stupid and clichéd. Mere brother Ki Dulhan does that, though to only an extent. But then that is why it is not Notting Hill or Love Actually. But who says that film making can only be Sholay on one side and RGV ki Aag on other? 

Pehli Salary

“Pehli salary badi kamini cheez hoti hai" 

It makes you happy. It is beyond anything you have ever experienced. You suddenly want to buy things. Anything. Just go buy it. In my case the day I got my first salary, I wanted to buy even those shirts on the footpath which you get at the rate of 1 for 100 bucks. But that is the story of only the first day. Very soon you realise that you can you have more than peanuts in your pocket and you can actually afford a shirt which costs 1 for 1000 bucks. And then gradually you come to know that not only that, you can also afford a gamepad which cost 1500 though earlier the one costing 150 used to be good enough. And then you aspire for a Xbox itself. Then may be a bike , the aspiration of which will soon turn into the one for a car. And all this khyali pulao takes place within two to three days of receiving your first salary. Just deep within you know that you can actually have all those aspirations.  And then before you know , all the money is spent. It just vanishes. And then the wish gets changed.  The wish becomes a wait. Wait for the next salary.  In other words you start aspiring for money. That is why , “ Pehli salary badi kamini cheez hoti hai.” 

It makes you  love money and disrespect it at the same time. You want to buy the world with it and yet want to lock it in a case and throw the key in a pond. It suddenly makes you aware of the capabilities of money. And that is worse than a lot of bad things you can ever think of. That is why , “ Pehli salary badi kamini cheez hoti hai.”

MY DADIMA

(Today is my Grandmother's (Dadima) 5th barsi. I wrote this shortly after her death. I don't know what made me post this today. But just posting it.
P.S- I dont remember what actually was the "it" that follows)

It  brought  flushing inside me memories of my own grandmother, dadima to us. Sometimes it seems that  she is just beside me , sometimes it seems it had been  ages since she called my name .  The funy thing death is , gives every moment of introspection a dual personality.

                                          Dadima was a deeply religious person , as all the woman of her age generally are.  She never had a very happy life- getting widowed at an age of 29. But still she had a amajing rock of belief in almighty. But what amazes me even more is that why I was able to see these things only after she died. She was so religious that once we tried to tell her that man has reached moon , she said that god lives there and flatly refused to believe that any mortal can intrude his abode. Life was going on and she was just like any other member of my family like my parents or my sister. I did not share any special bonding with her as a lot of people do with their grandparents. But then , she died. Dadima  just passed away.

                                                         Is was not as if she died all of a sudden . She had been suffering from cancer for 2 years . But somehow it made the inevitability of death strike me . And ironically , life around me changed its meaning for me . Life around me became special from being routine. Earlier, my parents were too by the way for me , they were there because they were meant to be there, but now they are a gift , because ther are with me . Funnily enough it took a death to realise me that. Earlier a seat in bus was too precious ; Now every lady is like dadima. Earlier if a friend broke my heart, I wouldn’t have given a damn , now it cries for reversal of time . Probably,  that feeling of loss is etched upon. Saying sorry has become easier , because I have realised that there are far more important things in life than one’s ego and certainly far worse thngs than having it damaged.    Earlier friends were routine , they were there because they probably needed me. Now every moment with them is to be cherished , because  at some other time , they might not be there. The feeling of being with loved ones has changed its complexion , because tomorrow I might be far away , left with only memories and , memories never suffice.  Loss is inevitable , just that notion of bidding adieu has changed. And I thank my dadima for that.

                  Sonetimes , I think that how crass I have been for a death to make me realise that. But come to think of it, if instead my neighbour’s aunt would have died , would that have made any difference to me ?  Never , though I would readily pray hundred times a day for my dadima to make her come back if I could. It just makes me realise that though I never stopped to think of whether I loved her , I probably did, a lot actually, enough to make me love everyone with life . If she is reading this somehow, from any where Dadima, probably , she would understand a lot of things left unsaid. Because that was what she always was. Ethereal in life , larger than life in death . My Dadima.    

Best of Bollywod in 2010 (according to me , of course)

Top 10 Movies :-


10 ) Rajneeti :-

I still vividly remember the sense of anticipation and excitement Rajneeti left me with at the interval. But by the time movie had veered towards it culmination , I had well realised that that feeling was not to some directorial brilliance or some moving acting skill. It was because the first half was primarily based on two of the most dramatic and stirring books I have come across –Godfather and The Mahabharata. It just was the book which was rubbing off on the movie. Nevertheless, it still could have ended up quite poorly. For the fact that it ended up being palatable , it makes my top 10.

 9 ) Peepli Live :-

In a lot of lists , this flick figures way up. Not in mine though. May be I have  not watched as much “world cinema” to earn my stripes. Or, just because this is India’s Oscar entry, it should figure way up. May be to my non-intellectual mind , some metaphors still seem more like jargons.  Whatever, but for me its humour originated from some crass abusive lines, which somehow did not go well for me. It somehow seemed an extension of Slumdog Millionaire to me. And I did not have a very good opinion about Slumdog either. But Peepli scored because it projected that message well which it set out to. That of a farming not being a lucrative  livelihood option for many in several parts of India. Add to that some believable performance coupled with some really good characters, made Peepli a decent watch.

                             

8) Rann :-

By now, I have glossed over around 6-7 lists on the net similar to mine and nowhere I could find a mention of Rann. Don’t know why, coz it was released in 2010. 29^th January, to be precise.  Some called it ill-researched. Wonder what they had to say about Slumdog Millionaire. Well, ill researched in my book is as bad as half-baked research. Rann was irritating at points but all RGV movies are irritating at points. But, at points it was brilliant too, as again all RGV movies are . But what puts it into 8^th position for me was that the brilliant points comfortably outnumbered the irritating points.   

7) Dabangg:-

Kamal Karte ho Sir jee. Dabangg ko hi bhool gaye ??

 Dabangg and Wanted have been probably the least pretentious movies of the Bollywood so far. What you see is what you get.  You can love it or hate it . But then there are millions of Salman fans out there who can only love a movie which is full of Salman. It was polar opposite of something like Tere Bin Laden (yes, I am classifying Dabangg as comedy),  but still quite a joy ride.   And then there was Sonakshi. Well, I repeat that  I am still wondering that how do these macho men of yesteryears like Shatrughan Sinha  and Anil Kapoor keep producing such beautiful daughters. 

6) Ishqiya :-

After I came out of the theatre, if somebody had told me that it would find 6^th  place in my year end list, I would have gone , “Naah… 9^th or 10^th may be, if we are unlucky for the rest of the year.” That it comes at No.6 is a proof of the absolute drivel Bollywood has served us all year. But let that not take anything away from the movie Ishqiya was. Three things pulled it into top 10. Dialogues which were both crackling and cracking as if written after having smoked Charas, Vidya Balan and Dil To Bachha Hai Ji. Add to that an opening disclaimer which actually claimed that the movie is “almost” fictitious. All that was enough to make Ishqiya pull its weight in what has been a largely barren year for Hindi Cinema.

5) Phas Gaye Re Obama :-

The only thing I did not understand about this movie was what Obama was doing in its title. Some sort of metaphor , may be. Or it was just destined for me that Obama and Osama will rule this year’s comedy scene. Farah Khan , please watch this. This is how you pull of a heist. Akshay Kumar, please watch this. This is how you make people laugh. And everybody, please watch this. Because, it deserves to be watched. And yes , please ignore Neha Dhupiya. She is just there to reiterate the fact that nothing can be perfect. 

 4) Udaan :-

A father like Ronit Roy was not the only thing unbelievable about this. Add to that a plot set in Jamshedpur which has only two things- TATA and XLRI, the younger cast all of which were completely unknown except Manjot Singh (Young Lucky In Oye Lucky Lucky Oye) who got all together a screen space of 10 minutes. And a screenplay if called rebellious will probably be the understatement of the decade. To put it in perspective , one senior person I know termed the movie malicious , misguiding, disrespectful and a stigma to our culture if viewed widely. But at the end of the day Udaan emphatically proved that any movie which is made with its heart in the right place, strikes the right chords. One thing which struck me throughout the movie was its innocence. Be it the protagonist Rohan, his cute younger brother, his Uncle when he is accused by his father to be a “fat loser”, even the scene where Ronit Roy asks his son to smoke in front of him and to top it all the scene where a drunk father explains to his son that he actually did visit him once only to back off because without him he looked happy. Precious.

3) Tere Bin Laden:-

Set in Karachi,  Pakistan . Isn’t that is the country which perpetuated 26/11 ?? Starring Ali Zafar , again from Pakistan. Sorry, but Ali Zafar, WHO???  And with the theme as the world’s most wanted terrorist , Osama.  A Bollywood movie made on these!!! Chances  it being liked ?? Hahahaha!!!! But not quite sir, and thanks heavens that movie making is not quite politics. I liked Main Hoon Na, Heyy Baby and Golmaal 1 . But this movie and Phas gaya re Obama proved that subtlety lasts and only subtlety lasts. In a year when some “comedies”, if you can call them that, almost wanted to smack your head , pierce open your eyes and tear open your jaw while employing these very antics in order to “ order” you two laugh, these two almost gave you democratic choices . Not that it mattered anyway. Armed with a super script and brilliant acting, this movie showcased that Osama can be adorable , cute and amazingly funny.

2) Love, Sex aur Dhokha

To put it simply , Dibakar Banarjee is the best director we have in film industry. Because, I simply refuse to believe that any other director could have picked a motley bunch of people and turn them into the most impressive ensemble cast of the year. And I simply refuse to believe that any other director could have extracted such level of performance from everyone in a cast the names of any of whom have never been heard before. And I refuse to believe that any other director could have made a movie which ends so haphazardly but still leaves not even an iota of inadequacy in viewer’s mind. And I simply refuse to believe that any other director could take shock, shock and shock and then term it Love,  Sex and Dhokha and all the while make the translation entirely plausible. And I simply refuse to believe that any other director could have made Ekta Kapoor produce a film which has no  cruel Saas, but a brutal Sasur. And , to put it simply, I simply refuse to believe that anybody but Dibakar Banarjee could have made this film 

1) Band Baaja Baarat:-

There will be people who might take it as a reflection of the poor year that the Bollywood had in 2010 that a flick like Band Baaja Baarat is at the top of the table. But if I am asked to compile a list of best rom-coms of Bollywood in past 25 years, this movie will surely find a place in top 3.  A good rom-com should leave you with happiness in your heart and smile on your lips. This surely did that and more. It filled you with hope after TMK and Ravan that good writers are not yet dead in Bollywood. It made you believe that for making an authentic movie on a city , you do not have to be some Danny  Boyle descended from wherever to research on our own place  to show us that how shitty and bad our own country is . If you want to make  a movie on Delhi, having a proper dilli ka dil  in the right place will do wonders. It made me wide eyed that Anushka Sharma can actually act. And it made me shrug  the notion that only Hugh Grant or Hugh Grant- ish  actors can light up a rom com . A Ranveer Singh who at the first glance looked like an ordinary lampat Jatt  ready for a fisticuff can prove to be a worthy match , if not better. And it did all that while having and letting us all have some good old fashioned our own Mauj.

  

 Awesome Mention Of the Year:-

Tees Maar Khan:- 

It was such an awesome movie that all theatres , awesome or not raised their ticket prices to  awesome levels. And I was such an awesome fellow that I spent an awesome amount of money, patience and guts to watch this awesomely awesome film. Just imagine , what can be more awesome to have every character in the movie awesomely copy bonafide awesome antics of awesome Akshay Kumar. 

 Top 10 Songs :-

10)   Lehrein ( Aisha) :- A beautiful song which again emphasised to me that Javed Akhtar , if and when he wants can be a brilliant writer, though that sadly is not always is the case.

9) Des Mera ( Peepli Live) :- Though Mehangayi Dayan  garnered more publicity , I could hardly see how it actually fitted in the premise of the movie and ultimately that song seemed to be included for just that , to garner publicity. On the other hand , for a change Indian Ocean came up with an upbeat song. And they were just as good with this as well.

8) Main Jiyoonga (Break Ke Baad) :- A vastly underrated song , it shared the same fate as the whole album did. But the lyrics were apt , music good. A tragedy that the song was not included in the movie as the movie had a plot which was perfect for this song. 

7) Tum Jo Aaye ( Once upon a time in Mumbai) :- It was more a case of selecting one song out of the best album of the year than anything else. And I go with this . The Rahat Fateh Ali Khan version to be precise.

6) Jaane Kiske Khwaab (Guzaarish) :- For me , the best song  to paint an appropriate picture of what the movie is going to be like.

5) Surili Ankhiyoin Waale (Veer):- The only good thing about Veer was that this song featured thrice in the movie. In full.

4) I am in love (OUATIM) :- One song out of OUATIM was never going to be enough. It was too good an album for that.  

3) Naav Chadhti ( Udaan) :- The most inspiring song of the year. Enough said.

2) Dil To Bachha hai Jee  (Ishqiya) :- The list could not possibly have been complete without Gulzaar coming into it , isn’t it? This song had the most simple , most striking ,  and the most identifiable lyrics and was one for the ages.

1) Shaam (Aisha) :- The most soothing, most sweet and the most serene song to come out of Bollywood in may be last 5 years. It was.

  Top 5 Albums:-

1)      Once upon a time in Mumbai :- Even a song like Baburao made perfect sense in the movie.

2)      Aisha :- One song was crap, one was so so , but rest three   were so good that the album is right up there. 

3)       Guzaarish :- It is the best album you can find to listen in a particular mood and in particular setting. To find out which mood and setting I am talking about, you have to listen toi the album.

4)      Udaan :- The movie was different . The music was no different.

5)      Break ke Baad :- All the songs were similar in mood , even the sad ones. But I am not complaining now. 

  Special Mention :-

Cinematography in Ravan :- 

I was ready to watch this, yes this piece of absolute drivel for a second time just to see the scenes once again. The work of Santosh Sivan and V. Manikandan was cinematographic orgasm unfolding on screen. 

 Happy New Year to all. And here is just wishing that this New Year is good for Bollywood too. It did not have even an average 2010 which made our year a bit less good in its own way. Cheers…

Kya Karein Kya Na Karein

What will I do now,

That I have a two month off…

I might not go home,

I might have to stay here alone,

But that option might not have so brightly shone,

had the battle been already won.

Or I might just get some games,

And then when I get rejected for job again ,

I make an excuse so lame ,

That I failed coz I was playing games.

Or then , I might just go home ,

Have a fish fry and them some ,

And then wonder,

Home rhymes with foam

Some rhymes with hum

But home spells like hum

But some doesn’t even spell like foam

And then some rhymes with come

And come spells like some

And come rhymes like some too.

And then give up,

Like the reader might have already .

And think that whoever invented English ,

might have been a bastard and shady.

Or I might just stay here,

Lonely strolling through lonely corridors .

When those who are left ,

Talk to their girlfriends,

Or they study for placements,

Or they watch some good movies and some shady ones ,

Behind their closed doors.

Or then plan a trip with my friends,

Ask my parents , reason with them ,

So that they might not refuse.

And then argue with friends,

Hullabaloo to decide  ,

That one so usually makes.

And then suddenly pullout,

Making one of the silliest of excuses.

Why?? I know not, for my thought process is so complex.

Or I might go and stand against a mirror,

And try to simulate an interview,

Think what I did wrong earlier,

And try to think of a strategy which might be new.

And then again having been rejected,

Sometimes expected and sometimes out of the blue.

Trying to hide fear in heart and tears in eyes,

Trying to be nonchalant but deep inside dejected,

And ponder for hours , that now what to do ??

And then finally think to show off

Like going to an interview late

And then saying ,

“Sorry Sir, I am a bit of a procrastinate .”

But then realising that the usage may be wrong ,

And then simply saying,

“ Sorry Sir, I am a bit late.”

But not realising that my idiocy

Might have already sealed my fate .

Or I might go home after all ,

Listen to my Dad’s call.

Think of a higher prospective maybe

Though that path might be a bit risky

Hope that I am made for this any way ,

Lets try , who knows it might turn out to be little difficult than a child’s play .

Live in a fool’s world as they say.

But still try to take a hugely crowded but least successful way.

Or two months hence ,

I might be still sitting on the fence.

Who knows still trying to complete this poem

Trying to form thoughts of mind , through my hearts lens.

 But ,  who knows, I might be still waiting

For time, people or placements…

RUN BHOLA RUN

When banished from familiar locations, by familiar faces to unfamiliar territories, what can one think? One can get angry. But that becomes a remote possibility when you reach a point that you start giving up on all possibilities.  If you get angry at that point of time, then without fail you will commit suicide. So you will not be alive to tell the tale as I am.

It's The Man.. Movie Review: Dabangg

First Superman , then Batman , then Spiderman  ,then Iron Man then Shaktiman, and then came Sal-man. And then some more Salman , and some more Salman, and some more Salman , and then only Salman and Salman and Salman and Salman and a then bit of Sonakshi too. And then some more Salman and some more Salman and.....

 I will post the full review once my mid semesters get over. Hopefully.

In the mean time, you can read the Wanted review here. There won't be much difference anyways. 

P.S. - I can't fathom the fact that how these rugged machomen of yesteryear keep bringing out such beautiful girls!!!!! First Sonam Kapoor, and now Sonakshi Sinha.