Tuesday, September 14, 2010


When banished from familiar locations, by familiar faces to unfamiliar territories, what can one think? One can get angry. But that becomes a remote possibility when you reach a point that you start giving up on all possibilities.  If you get angry at that point of time, then without fail you will commit suicide. So you will not be alive to tell the tale as I am.
So, then what remains?  May be you want to attract attention towards yourself. But then you will tell all and sundry that, “Here I am going to run away.” But then you slip away quietly without telling anyone  ruling out that possibility. Now what? May be you want to assert importance through your absence. But then you won’t come back. At least you would come back without telling anybody then.  That is a good enough way to assert your importance for me. But mid-way through your “siesta” you realise that it is you, not your friends who are in the midst of a shit storm and decide to turn back. That is definitely not my idea to assert my importance. Or then you simply want to annoy your friends and make them angry.  But that doesn’t seem a very viable option if you already know that it is your presence which is enough to irritate and infuriate them not the opposite. Your running away is only going to provide them a mild break if any. So then why would you run away? May be there is no reason at all. Your mind may be devoid of any reason completely. Blank. Empty. An empty bottle when submerged in water, tries to force out of water against all forces. Why does it want to come out? Because , it is empty. That is all. Simple.

People have different ways of dealing with a mind which cannot reason .  But what can be the ways to deal if that mind is your own? I have seen people who seldom drink off their worries and people who never smoke, start puffing. But what if you find the taste of beer similar to horse’s piss though you have never tasted the same and that types of people you find most irritating happen to be smokers? You might want to start drinking and find that it takes a lot of courage to go to a beer shop alone for the first time and that too in an area you are hardly familiar with and ask for a can of beer. Or you might still have a strong urge to smoke which has still not gone in the absence of a strong enough deterrent. How do you reason with a mind  devoid of it, that which is right and which is wrong? People you want to run away from, how do you decide when you have no discretion that it is not worth it? In an unchartered territory with unfamiliar places with the door through which you came closed by yourself, how do you know how to ask for directions? What do you do  when you realise that the mind devoid of reason is of not of the person you are fighting with but your own? Can you run away from everything? Can you ignore? Can you ignore yourself? Running away can be a way of ignoring yourself. Or it can be the opposite. But how do you decide when your mind is devoid of reason?
And finally, what do you do when you realise that there is no way back? That the change you have undergone might just be a permanent one and you have never known a thought which was any more scarier? Do you wait for the ordeal to finish? But what made it an ordeal? May be the realisation that if this world still exists and smiles upon you, it is doing a huge favour for you, if not more.

All the characters in this story are mostly imaginary . Any resemblance to anyone living or dead may be pure coincidence.


Shashwat said...

that is one of the deepest thoughts...i have come across in a long...long time...
brilliant, sumit...

Sumit said...

Thanks a lot buddy. :D

Nivesh Jain said...
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