Aieeeeeeeeeeshaaaaaaaa........

Chic chic Chiclet.  When I was growing up in terms of my height,  there used to be a very popular chewing gum called Chiclet. It was like any other gum available. I could not figure any reason why it was so popular as there were twenty more similar if not better tasting gums in the market. It was predictably bland, chewy, boring and if you could stick it in one place without getting your hands dirty, you could stretch it for as long as you please. But still I used to walk around with it in my mouth all day. Guess , I had nothing better to day at times than chew it. But, what a pity!

Then I grew up a bit . And I came across a term which sounded a lot like Chiclet but was told that it was certainly a lot different than a chewing gum. It was called Chick lit. Two or three Chick lit later, I was searching for the man who gave me that advice with an idea in my heart which was close to being of revenge and murder. They were girly, almost smelled pink , the boys were nothing more than props and in my opinion used to cast women in a demeaning light. All the women in them cared about was marriage. And as long it was any marriage , the world for them was nothing more than a wedding shamiana  or a church where you got to go and sign the attendance sheet as a bride or even better- as a bridesmaid.

And then I grew up a bit more. And then came Aisha.  And to know how it was, simply join the above two paragraphs and read them. That’s all…

Image courtesy, http://www.yorkshirebiztalk.com

THe MaD ADs

Last week we had cultural fest in our college DCE called “engifest”. In this there was an event called “Ad Lampoons” in which one had to make an advertisement. Me and my friend group participated. I promised quite a few of my friends that I will post the ads we made for the competition. I hoped that at least this might result in some blog traffic. But I forgot that I am no ad maker and have the imagination of a goldfish and more importantly I forgot to ask somebody to record them. So there you go ...But I do not quite have the memory of the goldfish and I can tell you the concept and execution from my memory. After all if we can have ads on radio, I can as well come here to tell you to buy this and that.

The competition had a qualifying round , in which , we had to make an ad on any product we fancy. What we did is described below in as graphic a manner as I can manage.

There is a elderly person- played by my friend Lovlesh – sitting on floor with a mobile phone in his hand trying to crack it open in as earnest in a manner possible. 

Enters a young man played by another friend Vishwadeep. (I have kept the conversations in the language they were made in.) 

“Are Uncle ji, ye kya kar riye ho?”

“Wo kuch dhoondh riya tha.”

“Par mobile ko kyun tod rahe ho? Mobile ke andar ghus baithi hai kya?”

“Haan”

“Abe kya bewakoofi bhari baatein kar riye ho. Kya hai wo?

“Wo kal main ek cheez khayi thi. Badi acchi thi . Chip kahe ja rahe the use. Aaj subah padha ki mobile mein bhi Chip hoye hai. So use nikal riya hoon . Uncle to main hoon hi, ye chip nikal aave to Uncle Chip ban jaye . Fir maje mein khaoonga.”

At this point a character played by me jumped in and started bellowing while kicking out the Uncle and his mobile. “Uncle Chipps, No confusion, great combination.”

Well, however big a groaner this ad might have been , we got selected. Well it was more to do with the fact that the majority of the organisers were our friends. Anyway.....

In the second round, we were asked to design an ad for MRF if they venture into Soap/Shampoo business.

We had around 15-20 mins to conceptualize, practice and enact the ad. So here it is,

There were more characters in it which I will introduce as and when they appear. There was a narrator, which was played by me. So the scene opens thus....

Narrator(n)-

Aaiye aapko dikhate hain MRF shampoo ke tarah tarah ke upyog.

Enter two people –one Jhandu played by Lovlesh, and another Kamina played by Vishwadeep. Kamina applies the shampoo on his hair and Jhandu who looked pure dumbass figures that since it is from MRF, it must be for use on tyres. So,

N- 

Ek ne lagaya baal par aur doosre ne lagaya car ke tyre par.

Enters my friend Abhishek who plays a girl called Haseena . Both approach her on their bikes.

N

-Aur ye hai haseena

Ek hai jhandu, doosra Kameena.

When they approach her, both apply brakes, Jhandu’s bike skids off as it became extra smooth due to use of MRF shampoo. Kameena takes off with Haseena on his bike.

N-

Jhandu ka nikla paseena ,

haseena ko le gaya kameena.

MRF Shampoo, Kuch Bhi Smooth Kare.

So that was it. We won the first prize. But that was more to do with the fact that the organisers were our friends and the number of other participants was probably not more than 3, some of whom were there with crap like Main bahut pareshan tha, meri height bahut kam thi. and so on.

I was the scriptwriter, dialogue writer, director, music director, lyricist for the play. (I paid everyone of these 500 each to claim the credits. And anyway, they do not blog.Hehe.)

P.S- The links given are of orkut profiles.

Image courtesy www.ugc.dhingana.com

Bacche Man ke Sachhe

This happened at the book fair today. There was a dog which was a stray dog, and there was a girl who was not a stray girl. But far more importantly, they had one thing in common- they were both small, charming, spontaneous. This may be was the first time I found a dog cute.

The girl quietly walked up to the dog and picked it up. And the pup quietly got into her lap. Picking a teddy bear was never easier.
The mother came running,
"Leave it , dress dirty ho jayegi

The girl gave her a look which said," I want him"

"Are chor do, beemar ho jaogi."

The girl gave her a look which said," I want him"

"Neeche rakho. Dekho naani aa rahi hain." And a reincarnation of Lalita Pawar walked in.

The girl gave her a look , which said,"I want him, not her."

But after some squabbling, the girl was allowed to keep him. For the whole duratiion, the dog never tried to leave the girl.

I have never seen a more sweet, endearing, charming and affectionate sight in my life. Was there some kind of instant bonding between two? Forget Zoo Zoo, where are those Vodafone people man?

Bacche kisi ke bhi ho, sabhi kitne innocent hote hain!!!!

Auction again......

In a surprising development, HUL which manufactures Ponds’ age miracle cream has announced its new brand ambassadors. Till yesterday the speculation was rife that the brand will sign the eternal beauty Rekha or Hema Malini for a humongous sum as actresses are generally reluctant to accept their old age, more so publicly. But surprising everybody, the company has decided to sign Pakistan cricketer Shahid Afridi for a sum of $850,000. And not only that, he will be the global brand ambassador for the product. Reports from Pakistan state that ever since being signed, Afridi has cut his middle finger and stuck it on the top of Burj Khalifa , with the background saying, “F**k IPL.” Apparently after the snub from IPL, Afridi thinks that his middle finger is of no further importance to him and could not have been put to a better use. Moreover, he has been saying anybody who cares to listen that, “Chehra dikhane ke paise nakhre dikhane se jyaada milte hain.”
Elaborating on the perceived eccentricities of the choice, the CEO of the HUL clarified, “The selection was quite a fair and a competitive process decided by a novel bidding process between our major shareholders. For the record, Rekha , Hema Malini, Amitabh Bacchan or even Marilyn Monroe did not receive any bids at all. Whereas, Umar Akmal , 17 year old prodigy had a bid of $510,000, Abdur Razzak, a bid of $650,000, but the winner hands down was Shahid Afridi with a winning bid of $850,000.The price war is reportedly triggered by the entry of the Pakistan U-19 team into the world cup finals for the third consecutive time. There must be something right with either their genes, their creams or their birth certificates. But, being less than 19 years, they cannot sign contracts , so we had to settle for Afridi. But they are our next major targets. As for Afridi, even after hitting the fastest century , fathering two daughters, being dropped and picked numerous times, he has magnificently managed to stay rooted at 29 years forever. If this is not a age miracle, what is? And we at Ponds’ age miracle are proud to be associated with another age miracle. An intelligent person once said, “The more the things change , the more they remain the same.” Nothing exemplifies it more than the age of these Pakistani prodigies.”

An on field incident is shown in pictures below which further confirms the Afridi’s credentials to be quite apt for the brand.

From another file photograph of ours we show you another example of the kind of fan
following Afridi has. Just note that everybody in the family looks so young, howsoever bored, even the dog.

P.S-
As per the breaking news the company has grand pans to bring about an age miracle cream for the dogs as well, for which also Afridi will be the brand ambassador. This decision was taken after the company ,management came across the above photograph, highlighting the adulation Afridi enjoys even among the canine community.

(On all photographs, please click to enlarge)

UNVIELED

We are proud to announce another remarkable addition in our glittering list of previous brand ambassadors like Bill Clinton, Silvio Berlusconi, Nikolas Sarkozy. May I present to you our next and perhaps most apt brand ambassador till date, ex-because of sex- Governor of Andhra Pradesh 85 years young Mr. N.D. Tiwari. A truly inspirational figure for all the Japani Tel users . May he continue to inspire us with his jidhar dekhi naari, udhar aankh maari ways till the end of his days and keep increasing our pride and selling stocks. And remember, Tel ko maliye, Kaam par chaliye.

We are truly yours,
Phuc Pho Lai
CEO,
Japani Tel Ltd.