Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Secret....

The majority thinks that it is the majority who do not want to do the class. So the majority decide not to attend the classes. But it is actually the minority who convinces the majority that it is the majority who does not want to attend the classes since the majority have already conceded for the absence from classes, the majority should also follow the majority. But the majority who wants to attend the classes is told by the minority that since the majority do not want to attend the classes, they should not break the majority by attending the classes. The problem is that majority is major in numbers , but is always found in fragments and doesn’t ever get to know what the majority thinks. So the minority manages to convince the majority that the majority is not going to attend the classes because that is the will of the majority and if majority goes otherwise, it will break up the unity of the majority and then the majority will turn into a minority . So, the class is not held coz the majority thinks that the majority does not want to attend the classes, and in the end, the minority manages to prevent the class from being held. By the time the bluff is called , the class is well over and if they get time majority might have a serious thought of renaming themselves “herds” , but just then another class is to take place and minority again springs up.....
That is how we bunk our classes, and more. Confusing , but sadly, true. 

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Random Ruminations

I don’t want to die,
But there are some wrongs to be mended,
To give some remedies for lies,
So will have to die.

I don’t want to live,
But there are some “hows” and “whys” to find,
Lot of masks to be perceived,
Lots of hearts to be broken,
Lots of emotions to be weaved,
Lots of faces to sieve,
So I will have to live.

I don’t want to have any friend,
But it amazes me that how it rhymes with
Both “mend” and “end”
I want to keep being amazed,
Have one end sharp of the blade,
Have a cut when I take a wrong bend,
So I will have to have friends .

I do not want to look inside,
Lest there is a big void,
Emptiness within,
Full of nothing ,
But deceit and sin.
But the outside is big and wide,
Inside is empty and  narrow,
It gives me space to cower in my own burrow.
Outside asks questions ,
Inside some more,
But inside gives answers,
Sometimes  maleficent, sometimes vulgar,
And sometimes snide.
But answers still,
So I have to look inside.

Spitting this yarn ,
Gives me the question “Why?”
Maybe  I don’t want to die.
Maybe I want to live ,
Tell the tale
And grieve.
Maybe I want a friend .
For my woes,
Surely an ear he will lend.
But a talking mouth will not follow therafter,
Filled with a curse and laughter.
It will help me look inside,
Though the space is less, it will help me soar and glide.
And for a moment of shut eyes,
I will be at the top.
At the top,
From where everything looks so small,
Friends and foes,
Life and its woes
And that will be the end of all
Once and for all. 

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Bade Ball Hain Tere

Paanchod Besharma strutted out of his house.( Chod is pronounced as chor, not what you are pronouncing it now as, you pervert ) His wife SEE SEE has once again refused to comply to his rather sodomic wishes. He had been left feeling like a nympho and subsequently had started to devise ways to turn a necrophilist if not allowed to be sodomic. He was so dumb.

He turned his steps towards Girl-Boy road . He had in past been a regular there  to satisfy his carnal needs and used to go to his favourite Peela Peeli Dickshit.  But she has grown old now. Just like his wife SEE SEE. Not that he was still young- but he did not see it that way.  He was so dumb. He believed that till he had life in his bones and boneless’es, he could get up and stand. But Peela Peeli had grown old for his needs. She knew that and she had become a wimp . Actually P.B. thought so, as he reckoned that a woman pimp is called a wimp. Actually it was he who was a wimp. But, he did not know that. He was so dumb.

But it was all going to change. No, he was still going to remain dumb enough to not know that he was dumb, but Peela Peeli had promised to ensure him to a new bombshell- a new entrant , she claimed to have descended from the bloodline of Anarkali herself. She was called DATTU.

After 4 hours,

         Peela Peeli was right. He had already gone lattu on DATTU. With SEESEE he felt as if he was to due to retire  from any moment now. But with DATTU it was ,like he had got an extension of five years. She made him feel powerful. He felt like singing, "I got the power” one moment , the other  he felt shouting like Dr Jackal from Shaktiman-“ POWER”. He could have advertised for Titanic-K2 capsules that night.  Interestingly she did not even allow him to touch in these 4 hours. But he knew, that there will be time for deliberation , discussion and fornication. And for that he wanted to come back. DATTU had invited him the day after.  She knew that P.B and his wife SEESEE belonged to a very rich family.

3 days later,

P.B.  was standing in front of the mirror dyeing his hair black. SEESEE wondered aloud that what was the need to prove “Buddhi Ghodi Laal Lagam " right in these days. Besharma just smiled annoyingly to him. (Yes, this was a feat he had mastered, unlike others. But the reality was that last night , during one of those moments, DATTU whispered to him in one of those manner, “ Bade ball hain tere.”  But the dumb person he was, he could not understand the difference between Ball and Baal. Hence the dyeing . But he had not accounted for SEESEE who in night painted his hair white instead.  Then again that night DATTU told him in one of those moments, “Bade ball hain tere”. He fell in love with his white hair and has been dyeing it white ever since. He was so dumb.

2 months later,

It was P.B’s marriage anniversary yesterday. But he could not go to meet DATTU that day. Not even on the pretext of having to go to see the sick daughter of the local mafia don, as he himself arrived at the ceremony with his daughter in tow –hale and healthy. But as it turned out, DATTU got very angry and told P.B , “ It is time you decide between me and her.” And after some deliberation and discussion in which the only involved party was Besharma himself, he decided to marry DATTU and send SEESEE to an old age home.
But one major hurdle was Peela Peeli Dickshit. She wnted a good compensation as DATTU was one of her main attraction.  She asked for an unconfirmed sum of Rs 1 crore which P.B paid by selling SEESEE’s jewellery and some other assets she owned.

5 days later,

On the pretext of being sent to a beauty parlour, SEESEE was sent to an old age home in a far flung place the address of which was known to nobody. Both P.B and DATTU changed their religion to Islam to remarry. So, P.B. became Pravesh Badhazmi  and DATTU remained DATTU. You see, unlike SEESEE, no one knew about DATTU. She was anonymous , unknown creature. So there was no need to change her name. Also DATTU, as one can see is a religiously bastardized name- can be used in any religion. So, DATTU officially became the owner of the assets of P.B. and his first wife SEESEE. As one can see, she clearly was not dumb.

9 months later,

No, DATTU did not give birth to a child. P.B was not as young as he liked to believe. But instead his children with SEESEE -he was young once, as much you would like to believe the contrary- started to protest against his marriage to DATTU. They went downtown with slogans like “ Yellow Yellow , Dirty Fellow” in an obvious reference to Peela Peeli and “ Hua Hua, P.B chooha”.Now one might ask that why did they take 9  months to wake up and realise?? But like their father, they were also sooooo very dumb.

(If everything above seemed Greek to you, click here)