Showing posts with label HAHAHA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label HAHAHA. Show all posts

Sunday, October 02, 2011

My way or Subway???


I have gone impolite these days. Just like some say that impossible can be read as I M Possible, I am wondering that if impolite can be read as I M Polite. Actually that was what I was shouting in front of the mirror in the bath room when my reflection shouted back, “impolite” at me and asked me to shut up. Now, if you believe this story to be true, then you are the exact kind of people I love to be reading my blog.  Those who will believe anything and everything I say. And trust me , I will behave absolutely the same when I get to your blog as well.

So the other day, I went to a subway outlet. Now if  you do not know what a subway outlet is , go and thank whatever God you pray to for your “ignorance”. And to add to that, you shall go to the top right corner of your browser and press that close button. Because I might  just describe “Subway” in this post. It will lose me a few readers (if any) , but the greater good, you know and all that . Subway is a place where the idea of making a cool burger is to put in stuff Italian people do  not like to eat into ice cold bread loaves. It is a place where you always stand  confused on the counter where they ask you to choose between 5 different types of breads , scores of  different ingredients and many different sauces and you just cannot decide which combination  is likely to be the least worst of all.  But  this time, well ….

“ Which bread Sir?”

“ Honey Oat please.”

“Sorry Sir, that is not available.”

“Then I will have umm… Italian Herb & Cheese.”

“ Actually even that is not available Sir. Only Parmesan Oregano is available.”

I was stumped.

“Then why did you ask?”

“Sir, because I am asked to  ask.”

I wonder whether I have gone impolite or there is something in the whole Subway atmosphere itself.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

It's The Man.. Movie Review: Dabangg

First Superman , then Batman , then Spiderman  ,then Iron Man then Shaktiman, and then came Sal-man. And then some more Salman , and some more Salman, and some more Salman , and then only Salman and Salman and Salman and Salman and a then bit of Sonakshi too. And then some more Salman and some more Salman and.....







 I will post the full review once my mid semesters get over. Hopefully.
In the mean time, you can read the Wanted review here. There won't be much difference anyways. 

P.S. - I can't fathom the fact that how these rugged machomen of yesteryear keep bringing out such beautiful girls!!!!! First Sonam Kapoor, and now Sonakshi Sinha.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

How Did She Let Go of This??

These are the lyrics of the song “ Tainu Tv Par” from LSD. Please keep the part in bold in your mind as you go through the post.




Tainu Tv Per Wekhya
Hai Main Tujpe Marr Jawa) - 2
Mujhse Shaadi Karle Aa 
Chad De Laaj Sharam Parda
Tainu TV Tainu Tv

Sabnu Kiss kardi firdi ae,
Saddi Jaan tarasdi hai,
Mainu bhi famous karde,
TV pe tu kiss kar de.
O kudiye Gal man le meri, 
Mera makeup hai ready,
O Eligible bachelor 
Kar le mera Swayanmvar.
Tainu TV tv tv tv
 Ban ja biwi biwi biwi,

Tainu Tv Per Wekhya
Hai Main Tujpe Marr Jawa) - 2
Mujhse Shaadi Karle Aa 
Chad De Laaj Sharam Parda
(Tainu Tv) - 2, Tainu Tv Per Wekhya

Maine murder hain kiye,
channel par tere liye, 
Daal le aag mein thodi ghee, 
Ban jaye controversy.
Tainu Tv Tv Tainu Tv Tv

Fir hum maal kamayenge
Ek bangla banwayenge,
usme 2600 Tv , 
banaye show reality,
Tainu Tv Tv Tv
Phir tu star main bhi star, 
Lokhi dekhan barambar
Saare desh badal ke vesh 
Khatri Remote Paunda Bhangra 
Tv Tv Tv Ban Ja Biwi Biwi Biwi
Tainu Tv par dekha…..

                                        Ring  a bell?? Did it ? No?? Now read only the 
bold portions. Still nothing?? Ok. So I saw you on T.V and I liked you a lot. 
Please marry me without any inhibitions which you obviously have none of. 
 You kissed everyone . So please kiss me on T.V and we will create a 
controversy out of it. I am also an eligible bachelor . So please choose me in 
your swayamvar and become my wife. And then we will celebrate our marriage by pouring ghee in the fire and create another controversy out of it.  And if 
that does not work, we will then have a big house built in which there will be 
cameras in every nook and corner and we will make a reality show out of it by playing Big Boss- Big Boss inside it. Then surely we will have enough muck on our hands . Even Mikka will look up to us then. We will change the television 
viewing topography in our country. 

Still did not get anything? Welcome Mr. Ishaan aka Darsheel on my blog. 
Thanks for visiting. So are you the one she is waiting for?

























Image Courtesy :- www.manjul.com

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Secret....

The majority thinks that it is the majority who do not want to do the class. So the majority decide not to attend the classes. But it is actually the minority who convinces the majority that it is the majority who does not want to attend the classes since the majority have already conceded for the absence from classes, the majority should also follow the majority. But the majority who wants to attend the classes is told by the minority that since the majority do not want to attend the classes, they should not break the majority by attending the classes. The problem is that majority is major in numbers , but is always found in fragments and doesn’t ever get to know what the majority thinks. So the minority manages to convince the majority that the majority is not going to attend the classes because that is the will of the majority and if majority goes otherwise, it will break up the unity of the majority and then the majority will turn into a minority . So, the class is not held coz the majority thinks that the majority does not want to attend the classes, and in the end, the minority manages to prevent the class from being held. By the time the bluff is called , the class is well over and if they get time majority might have a serious thought of renaming themselves “herds” , but just then another class is to take place and minority again springs up.....
That is how we bunk our classes, and more. Confusing , but sadly, true. 

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Why I have never had a girlfriend

Yesterday I was strolling around the campus with my friend when he got a message from his girlfriend. It went thus,

Santa went to his girlfriend's father to ask for marriage between her and him.
Her father was a Sardar and he replied with a lot of pride," Oye, tu meri beti se shaadi karega. Tujhe pata hai, jitni teri monthly salary hai, itne mein to uska toilet paper bhi nahi aayega. Tu shaadi karega??"

Santa replied calmly," Je inni ta*ti kardi hai wo, fir to rahne hi do."

My friend asked me what to reply to this. I advised to reply," Tera baap sardaar hai kya?"


Well, he followed suit. A couple of hours later, there were two more additions to my kind of people in the world i.e. singles.


That is why................

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Wanted- Movie Review

A question for you,
"How did Salman manage to complete Wanted?"
" Kyunki ek baar jo commitment maine kar li, fir to main khud ki bhi nahi sunta."


About a month earlier, I took a pledge after watching a trailer ," Come what may, I shall save myself from the ignominy of watching Wanted ."

A month later I take another pledge- " I will never challenge Bollywood. And I will never try to act God to decide my future ." Both have funny ways to pinch you at the backside.


One of the rare movies to have been made in Bollywood not to have it's title featured in even a single dialog (Even Badhti ka naam Dadhi had a tilte song) , rides on a simple cliche- Love it , hate it, but can't ignore it. And generally not being ignored suffices to be a hit in Bollywood. Here, when Vinod Khanna was exhorting Salman to be a one-man-army, he was merely echoing the producer's sentiments. Ayesha Takia will find difficult to sell even a flap of Shilpa Bindi if with it a life size poster with a prominent mention of her bosom is not doled out for free. And regarding the saleability of director Prabhudeva, hmmm.
We went to watch Hrtihik in Lakshya, but then he was a choreographer. But, when he comes up with an action flick , which is a remake of a south Indian super action movie, sniggers are more commonplace than expectant sniffs.

There has always been a North-South divide in Indian movies. For e.g. with all due respect to Rajini Sir, a lot of north-Indians fail to grasp the significance of the act in which he tosses up a cigarette in the air , and then force of gravity becomes so miniscule on it that it lands well after he has finished playing with all the bad guys. Likewise, a lot of my south Indian friends can't seem to understand how SRK manages to woo scores of girls , when he wouldn't be able to sustain a punch from even a gali ka goonda which are blown away by a mere breath from Rajini Sir. So our esteemed director invented a new pharmoola- that is to make a pharmoola movie. And the pharmoola tells him to amalgamate what he knows sells in South and what he is being told that sells in Bollywood. And his goodness lies in the fact that he sticks to his pharmoola . In the recent past the Ghazini director also tried the same. I didn't particularly like the movie apart from the sugar-coated love story and the sugar herself ( Asin that is). But Wanted has no Amir and Ayesha Takia is no Asin. So does that set the film back? No, not a bit.
Coz, it has Salman. The Khan with a man in even in his name chooses to play the man and quite naturally lives up to it. Earlier, he chose to play a prince and act weird in Yuvvraj ( did I miss a v there?) He turned pauper instead. He chose to play a God in God tussi great ho and act weird. As it happened the Gods didn't turn out to be in such a good mood. He chose to play Salman Khan and act weird in Hello . Nobody turned up to say even a hi. Now he chooses to play the other Salman Khan in Wanted and though he still acts weird, we suddenly discover that we actually like the bad boys. Hmmmm...That's my man. And maybe Salman realizes that as well. He has gone from Wanted to Veer with full abandon , which is quite visible in Wanted as well, with most of the songs apparently shot later with his Veer hairstyle.
So to the movie. It is actually quite decent. I didn't picture myself writing this a month back , but life takes strange turns. Two years back I didn't picture myself writing a blog either. Anyways, to a neo-generation for which a single screen theatre is nothing but a macchi bazaar sans any macchi , Wanted can be a wee bit surprising. When in theater Salman made his entry on the screen , there were a lot of whistles from some section. Now, the one I go in ,I have never heard any such things earlier and one of my friends muttered under his breath," Bloody Biharis" . By the time I left , I was thanking those bloody biharis. They created an ambiance in which Wanted deserved to be watched. It is not LOTR to be watched in PVRs among muted appreciation and mild claps. It is supposed to be watched with a lot of seetees, inane remarks , lewd jokes and infectious laughter. And if you don't know how to whistle, go watch the movie. Salman will teach you even that.
I was almost waiting through the movie to watch Salman criss-cross the air with fire a la Garv style . But he didn't. And that is the best thing about the movie. It is crude, but it has no place for histrionics. Another good thing about the movie is that it doesn't take itself seriously. Even the villain Ghani Bhai is more like Crime master Gogo than a Mogambo . Thus what could have turned into a Bam Bam Bigelow , manages to keep its feet together.
The support cast turns out to be a large one , given that Salman is the only major lead here. Ayesha Takia, flaunts her charbi-waala gosht, her charbi-waale lips and manages to do what she was required to do. Mahesh Manjrekar excels in the eternal kutti cheez act and as Vishal Bhardwaj would have us believe that ," Har kutte ka bas ek hi jawaab hota hai-Kaminey" , Salman promptly turns Kamina to get rid of him.
The movie projects Salman as he has been projected by media since ages- bad boy, cool dude, sweet at heart blah..blah..blah. It almost seems that it was made to cash on the media image of Salman. Nevertheless, if you are a fan of Salman, you will love the movie. And if you are not, still watch it ; you might find reasons to like him or the movie.

Friday, August 28, 2009

RAGGED????

"Excuse me, can I talk to you for a moment?"

" Yes, why?"

" Are you from second year?

"No. Third . Why?"

"Can I talk to you for a while?"

"OK"

"What's your name?"

"Let it go. First tell me are you from this college?"

" Yes. Just took admission."

Eyes started glinting. Plams started itching. Steps started springing. Oh WOW!!!! A Fucchha.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Of Birds,Of Bees , Of Nabi's and OF T.Vs

Did your parents have a T.V. at home prior to nine months when you were born? If yes , then chances are that you do not exist. Wait, if you are harboring thoughts of flagging my blog for questioning your very existence. These are not my words, but were put in my mouth ,rather in my pen by this. A full page analysis on Sunday Times of India followed.

When I was in class IX, there used to be question in my syllabus which went like," What are the reasons for the growing population of India?". In answer, there used to be 9 reasons and on no.9 the reason given was," A lot of people in India being poor, do not have any other source of entertainment than sex." Why was it at no.9 intrigued me a lot. Either reasons no 1-8 were more important than this or else the government wanted us kids to believe that there were more important reasons(and causes) of so many children being produced other than sex. But, what intrigues me even more is that what makes the Health minister see the no.9 as a sudden no.1 ?