Saturday, February 13, 2010

Mera Naam Hai Chamili

Mera naam hai chamili

Main hoon plumber albeli,

Chali aayi main akeli,

ThakRey ke ghar se.

Uska pot tha bilkul toota,

Usme atak gaya tha uska lota,

lote ko nikala maine badi zor se.

Aur haan , meri chaal bhi hai matwali.

(video link)

And you know, I had a lot of difficulty doing that. I hate yellow colour na.I know that the pot is white, but somethimes,it is not what is outside that matters, but what is inside that matters, and inside ThakRey's it is all yellow yellow, you know. Are I am talking about his pot only re, but you know what I mean, you naughty.....I know. And remember,

My name is Chamili.

And I am not toilet saaf karne waali

I am a plumber re.

I know I might remind you of that Chameli or this Chameli but, I am Chamili re.I am as sweet as that you know and even uglier than before, but this time I have my husband Kajal Johnokhan for company. No, not that Kajal from Hum Paanch re, she was a girl re,not a boy. For a long time I used to think of her as boy, but then after marriage I realised that she is a girl. You know I have Asperger’s syndrome na, that is why. God programmed me with that syndrome. He actually wanted to program me with Autism , but that is coded in java , Asperger’s in C. It is easy to program , you C . Only a, b, C.So, now I am like a programmed robot.So sweet.But, Kajal is also sweet. Sweeter than me even . I first thought that he must be suffering from Autism to marry me. But then after marriage I came to know that actually he wanted to adopt me . It would have been an added advantage. You see, I am also a plumber na, specializing in toilets. But then he was not allowed to adopt a big lady like me. But then , with someone one with Aspirer’s syndrome , no Asperger’s syndrome like me , It does not really matter whether you marry or adopt, does it?

And then, you know, mere marad ne mujhe ghar se bahar nikal diya . What did I do? Just I tried to revive his son, who fell into a drain which I forgot to repair. And tried to bring him to life with an electric shocker which I had repaired to function at 10 volts but which gave a current at 100 instead. So he died. But I was able to remove the black marks due to electricity by using choona-choona. See, I can repair almost anything. Even the dead, you see.

Last week I saw 3 idiots. My favorite scene was when Amir was taking bath in the bathroom. I am the plumber na. So, in ThakRe’s house, I installed a pump operated pot. You don’t have to apply pressure to relieve yourself there. No more sounds like aaah …aaah ..aah then aha…. like that come from his toilet now. You see , I don’t like loud noises as well, na.

Now, my husband wanted me to meet the person who invented the toilet and learn the skill of repairing toilets. Did I say I can repair almost anything. Please notice that " almost". So, I am off to meet him. I have visited many toilets, but I have not found him yet. Does he go to toilets? Silly question , he must be. But I suffer from Asperger’s syndrome no, so like tubelight you know..

And now I am off to Will-she-mean-kya. It is a place in northern jungles. It was visited by Katrina last yesterday. Not the hurricane baba,Kaif re.Katrina kaif. Haan haan real waali. She went there to learn aping skills from a monkey. She thinks if she can speak hindi then it will be good to promote Rajneeti. Nahi re, she will not learn hindi from the monkey, only nakal. Then she will be able to imitate Prakash Jha well. But what to do, she caught dysentry there. Loose motion. Everybody knows that she does not know how to act. I am letting you a liitle secret . She doesnot know how to act, and she does not know how to clean her toilet either. That is why I am going there. But let me remind you,

My name is chamili,

and I am not a toilet saaf karne waali.

I am a plumber re.

But she is Katrnia re.

So I am going. I have seen on T.V that there is a lot of foul smell out there. That is all caused by Katrina- When she has visited the toilet and when she has not. All the wild animals have fled the jungle therefore. Actually half of the animals had already fled when they came to know that Katrina is visitng. They thought that Salman will come too. but he did not. Guess he knew about the gastronomic variations of Katrina. Now, don't ask me that how did I remember "Gastronomic" if I have Asperger's syndrome. If I can remember Asperger's then I can remember Gastronomic as well. Now don't go into much details. I remember the choiciest of abuses as well. Teri maa ki...

Do you think that I have stretched my story too far? Yes, I also think so. I am late by 25-30 mins now. I must go. You know , even the monkeys have fled. So I must hurry. I might get to meet that man who invented toilet there. And If I do,Kajal will adpot me once again.

And yes, please remember, that the story of my life is as true as Mehnaz herbal beauty products and PBC. What did you say? Liar, liar, pants on fire? But that is my dialogue , Cheater cock.But, let me turn back and see. Oh yes....I am burning. I want to cry, but I can't. I just don't understand if I can remember "Asperger's" why can't I remember how to cry. Where are my stones now......


Nivesh Jain said...

Tried something different...good. Apart from that, the only thing i could REALLY appreciate was the pic. Good Photoshop, whoever dunnit!!

pred@tor said...

kuch bhi is d word... k00l